


Dancing

by reylowriting



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Cuddly Reylo, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, I love Finn and Rose forever, Leia is here because she's in my heart ok?, Reylo - Freeform, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-11 05:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13517775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylowriting/pseuds/reylowriting
Summary: Prompt: Who is dancing, and why are they dancing?AKA: How Ben & Rey let everyone know they're a thing (feat. 'How Ben escaped the FO as a side-plot)





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A response to a prompt on Tumblr: Who is dancing and why are they dancing? 
> 
> LOADS OF REYLO FLUFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First attempt at a fic! You can find me on Tumblr as Reylowriting as well!
> 
> I'm thinking this fic will be around 10 Chapters long (and that's with content I've already written), but feel free to comment some suggestions because I'm open to additions to what I've already written. (;

She woke slowly, savoring the warmth that radiated off of Ben’s body. She could tell through her closed eyelids that it was still pitch black - no light was creeping in the small window in her quarters just yet. _Good,_ she thought. He’ll be gone before the sun rises, and she wanted to lay in his arms for as long as she possibly could. 

Glancing down at his sleeping figure, she almost laughed at how absurd he looked - almost twice her size, yet on his side and curled around her, his head resting on her chest. She wished she wouldn’t have to wake him soon. He was so peaceful when he slept, and peace was not something he had much of. 

As she lay there listening to his breathing, she considered everything that had transpired in the last year. Almost exactly one year ago, Hux had led a near-successful coup that sent Ben running straight into his mother’s open arms. Leia had been able to work out a compromise with the other resistance generals - a drop in all charges against Ben Solo, in exchange for his participation in taking down the First Order. 

He’d facilitated one brief, awkward conversation with Rey, and she had been so hopeful about what his return meant for the future. But then he had disappeared - shutting off the Force Bond that mysteriously connected them, only leaving his quarters to attend intel meetings and eat meals alone with his mother. She sighed. The man in her arms had come so far since locking himself away from her and the rest of the Resistance. 

Her mind wandered, thinking back to when she had finally gotten through to him, almost four months after he had left the First Order, six months after he had killed Snoke to protect her. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey hadn’t necessarily woken early - more like she finally gave up trying to sleep and got up and took a shower. She decided she would go for a walk, maybe she could at least watch the sunrise if she was going to have to be awake for it. She dressed quickly, leaving her hair down and wet, put her shoes on, and opened her door to leave. 

As she turned to quietly slide her door shut, she noticed someone coming around the corner a few feet away. _Probably Finn,_ she smiled to herself. It wouldn’t be the first time she had caught him sneaking out of Rose’s room before sunrise. She spun around to greet her friend, and instead found herself looking at Ben Solo.

He held her gaze for just a moment, looking all at once like he may throw up, pass out, or cry. Instead, he blinked, tensed his shoulders, and quickly turned to take an alternate route to his room. 

“Ben?”, she called quietly. No response, just retreating footsteps. 

Rey quickly turned and went in the direction Ben would have originally been walking, hoping to cut him off. She was successful, reaching his doorway right as he rounded the corner into the hallway. The look on his face told her that he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle this. So she spoke.

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I’m not.”

“Ben Solo, you are a lot of things, but you are not a liar.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her. “Let me into my room.”

“Okay”, she replied, turning and using the force to open his door and walk into the room ahead of him. 

He slowly followed her in, an unreadable expression on his face. 

Turning to face him, she asked, “How are you keeping the bond closed like this?”

“It just requires a bit of extra concentration.”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

Ben stared at the floor. Rey took a breath, took a step forward, and pressed on. “You said I wasn’t alone.”

His eyes snapped up and met hers. 

She continued, “But sometimes now I think I’m lonelier than I have ever been.”

“There are plenty of people here who care about you.”

“Ben, you don’t understand, I -”

His anger flared and he cut her off. “I understood perfectly when I woke up on the floor in the throne room and you were gone.”

Now she was crying. “Ben, please…”

“Please what.”

“Let me back in.”

“Why should I?”

“Because, Ben, I miss you.”

His eyes were wet. He broke eye contact with her, turning and sitting on the edge of his bed with his back facing away from her. When he finally spoke, his head was in his hands and his voice was thick with emotion. “You couldn’t possibly.”

“I’m not sure what you mean”, she said, tentatively taking a step towards him.

“Then I don’t know how to explain it.”

She knelt next to him, and held her hand out. “Show me.”

Slowly, Ben’s gaze met hers. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and she got the impression that he hadn’t been sleeping well either. He swallowed hard, nodded, and took her hand. 

She was immediately hit by an onslaught of emotions, images, and noises, rushing through her mind too quickly for her to make out. _It’s like a storm in there,_ she thought. Although she couldn’t focus on anything individually, she was picking up on a common thread that coursed through all of his thoughts and feelings. A deep and profound sense of fear, and shame. _But why?_

Almost as if to answer her question, his mind began to push forth individual memories. She was seeing, through his perspective, replays of things he had done as Kylo Ren. She wasn’t just seeing them, though. She was experiencing painful memories, and feeling all of his excruciating feelings that came along with them. She saw him striking down weaponless opponents, giving orders to slaughter entire villages. Using the force to squeeze the life out of people who dared oppose him. Then, memories she recognized - she felt his pain and conflict as he stood face to face with Han, felt the way his heart ripped in two as he ignited his saber, and his anguish as he realized that killing his father had done nothing that Snoke had claimed it would. She experienced his rage and confusion as she kept up with him in battle on Starkiller base. Then, his punishment for his failure, what felt like hours writhing on the floor in pain. The words, “you’re just a child in a mask” echoing in both of their minds.

The memories changed, giving way to images of her. She stalked over him as he layed in the snow on Starkiller base, a fresh wound carved out on his face. She was furious, teeth bared, surrounded by her power in the force. _She was beautiful._ She saw herself during their first time experiencing the bond. “You’re a monster!”, she told him, and she felt his agreement deep in his soul. She was sitting across from him in the hut on Ach-Two, holding her hand out, offering hope. The unfamiliar feeling blossoming in his chest, scaring him. They fought back to back, in sync, defeating Snoke’s guards. 

The final memory he offered her, she didn’t recognize. A recounting of the first and only time he had attempted to eat in the mess hall on the Resistance base. He walked in and immediately saw _her,_ smiling, glowing, and she felt his heart stop. She was surrounded by people who adored her. She couldn’t see their faces in his memory, but she could see how happy her friends made her. Faces in the mess started to turn towards him, confirming with their eyes a truth he still feared: _you’re a monster._ She felt his shame. Ben turned to leave, to go eat with Leia again, and Rey was pulled out of his memories and back into the room. 

Without realizing it, while engrossed in Ben’s memories, they had moved. He was on his knees in front of her with his forehead resting on her shoulder. Her free arm was wrapped around him, one hand still holding his, and he was _sobbing._

Rey was at a loss. She pulled one hand up to the back of his head, into his hair, trying to comfort him. “Shhh, Ben, it’s alright. I’m here.”

He eventually stopped crying, but made no effort to move. “But you shouldn’t be. You need to leave.”

She broke away from him. That offended her, even though she wasn’t sure why it did. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Rey,” his voice was desperate and his eyes were pleading. She was reminded of their conversation in Snoke’s throne room. “They can’t know you’re here. They’ll hate you.” He took her hands in his. “You finally have a family, here. People who love you. If they knew you were in here… Please, you have to go.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben shifted in his sleep, letting out a big sigh that pulled Rey out of her memories. She smiled, and kissed the top of his head. She hadn’t left him, that day she cornered him in his own room and made him tell the truth. She hadn’t left, but he had made her compromise - no one could know. So the last six months were filled with late-night talks, walks around the outside of the base while everyone slept. Stealing into one another’s rooms while it was dark only to sneak away before the sun rose. Only a small handful knew. Leia, Chewy, Finn, and Rose. That was all he would allow. 

_But now,_ she thought, _the war is over. We won. Soon, it won’t matter, and everyone can know._

The sky outside was barely beginning to grey. Ben stirred, opening his eyes and focusing on Rey. He smiled sleepily, “Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Good morning.”

He heard it in her voice. Lifting his head quickly, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Ben… maybe, this morning… could you just stay?” She was nervous. It wasn’t the first time she had asked, and probably wouldn’t be the last. Usually he was understanding but a couple of times it had made him mad, as if he couldn’t possibly fathom why she wanted to open herself up to the hatred and malice that was directed at him every day. 

He sighed and rubbed his face. Rey continued on before he could reply. “The war is over. It’s done. I’m sick of being afraid and I’m sick of hiding. I want… I want people to know.”

He was propped up on one elbow now, his face hovering close to hers. His expression was unreadable, but she could feel his conflicting emotions rolling through their bond. 

“It’s really what you want.”

“Yes.”

He reached up and brushed a stray hair out of her face. “Tomorrow, then.”

Her heart exploded. She laughed, “Why tomorrow?”

“Because tonight, you deserve to get to go celebrate with your friends, without worrying over what everyone thinks of me.”

 _The dance._ Celebrating the victory of the Rebellion. She had completely forgotten. Truthfully, she didn’t even want to attend, but Leia had made it very clear that the last jedi was expected to make an appearance. “Will you be there?” she asked him.

“No, I’ll be here.” He kissed her on the cheek before standing up. “Go, have fun. I’ll see you tonight.” Then he left. 

Rey burrowed further into her blanket, trying to hold onto the warmth he left behind in the bed. _Tomorrow._ She smiled as she dozed off. _I can wait until tomorrow._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLASH BACK OOH-A-A (Finding Nemo? Anyone..? No?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I have no self-control, because here is Chapter 2. (oops?)

_One year ago._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever since the moment he woke up on the floor in Snoke’s throne room to find General Hux standing over him, Ben had known his time with the First Order was running out. The story - that Rey had killed Snoke, overpowered all of the guards, and knocked Ben unconscious to escape on Snoke’s personal escape pod - was thin at best. Ben had never been a good liar. Of course, within the ranks of the First Order, there were few who would ever question him. Hux was one of those few, which made the fact that Hux was the one who found him alone in the throne room with his dead Master particularly problematic. 

Ben found himself, during the weeks following Snoke’s death, having more time to think than he’d ever had in his life. He couldn’t remember a time in his life without Snoke, which was both alarming and thrilling. Alarming, because he was slowly beginning to realize that many of the thoughts and beliefs he had held onto were planted by Snoke. Thrilling, because he was finding himself with the unprecedented opportunity to think about whatever he wanted without fear of being found out. Rey was keeping the bond closed tight. How, he had no idea. Maybe it wasn’t hard, but he had never thought to try. He tried not to let that thought upset him, but he was finding that controlling your own thoughts was much easier said than done. 

He thought of her often, and the feelings that accompanied those thoughts left his chest feeling heavy and empty, and caused his stomach to churn uncomfortably. It hurt. He was hurt, and quite frankly if there was anyone in the galaxy who knew of what he had offered her and that she had denied it, he would be embarrassed. He dwelled on that thought. The Supreme Leader of the First Order, embarrassed. It was a humanizing feeling, and he decided he wasn’t going to fight it.

He thought of Leia often, too. He hasn’t been able to convince himself to call her “mom” in his mind yet. She doesn’t feel like his mom. She _feels_ powerful, righteous for her cause, feared for her strength as a general and her knowledge as a politician. He realizes he doesn’t know her. Though, he muses, she doesn’t know him either. The last time he saw his mother in person was the only time she visited him at Luke’s Jedi Academy, five years before he left. He had been eighteen the last time he had spoken to his mother. 

Most of his days passed the same. Wake up, meditate, test the bond that Rey had closed off, eat, visit the bridge and make decisions, eat, train, meditate, and sleep. One morning when he woke, about a month and a half into that routine, something felt _different._ It followed him throughout his day, a little premonition in the Force. Something saying _watch out._ He spent extra time following Hux around today, but nothing seemed amiss. When he would probe Hux’s mind it seemed obnoxiously blank. He tried to continue his normal routine, but he wasn’t able to focus during meditation like usual. That small thought kept nagging in the back of his mind.

He started sleeping with his saber beside him that night. 

Slowly, as time passed, he gave up testing the connection with Rey. He doubted she would ever let him back in. How could she? After all he had done, everyone he had killed… the most he deserved was a swift death by her hand. He grappled with the thought that her childhood must have been a thousand times worse than his, yet somehow she was so good. The thought brought back the same feelings he felt when Snoke had punished and belittled him. _Weak._ He was so weak. Susceptible to anything and everything that crossed his path. How was she so strong? He felt, for the first time, shameful of his decisions made while wearing the mask of Kylo Ren. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He woke in the middle of the night that night, covered in a cold sweat. _Had he been dreaming?_ He couldn't recall. Then why this physical reaction? His heart pounded. _Focus._ He reached out into the Force, trying to find answers. _Nothing._ There was nothing. He found nothing. Yet also… something. A familiar small feeling in the back of his head, causing the hairs on his arms to stand. _Watch out._ He put his hand on his saber, beside him in bed as it had been for the last two weeks. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight. Something was coming, and he needed a plan. 

Artificial morning came on the ship, finding Ben already awake and ready for whatever was outside his door. Now, he could feel it. A malevolent prickling in the force. _A coup._ He needed to tread lightly. Hux was ruthless, and never under-prepared. He approached the entrance to his room, saber in hand. He opened the door, revealing the empty hall. What? He exhaled a breath he didn't realize he had been holding, and stepped into the hall. _Of course it wouldn't have been this obvious, how stupid are you._ He stood still, reaching, listening to the Force. He wondered if he was crazy for thinking he had received any sort of warning from the Force in the first place. _I'm the Supreme Leader, no one would dare stage a cou-_

Then he heard it again. The Force? Not a voice, just a slight impression of words. _This way._ Which way? His feet began to bring him down the hallway to his left. That way, apparently. His heart was beating so loudly he was sure that anyone who passed him in the hall would hear it. Then, he realized, there was no one in the hall. That wasn't possible. There were always people, everywhere. The ship was overrun with people. _Where were they?_ He reached into the Force again. No answer, yet. His feet were leading him to the bridge, unbidden by his mind. 

When he reached the door to the bridge, he knew. _In here._ He took a moment to contemplate the room he was about to enter. The bridge, and all of the controls for flying the ship, were on an oval deck, suspended in the center of five stories worth of balconies, with a huge five story viewport opposite of the door he was standing in front of. It was designed with the specific intent of impressing important people. The deck had three walkways to different parts of the ship - one leading to the door he stood at, one leading to the hangar containing all of the TIE fighters, and one leading to a private conference area. He knew, that when he entered this room, every foot soldier on the ship would be hidden within the balconies. He also knew that his exit would have to be down the suspended walkway to the hangar. Could he do it? Yes. He opened the door and stepped onto the walkway. 

It was a brilliant plan. Hux, alone on the bridge. A thousand troopers hidden in the shadows. Ice ran through his veins, as it often did before battle, when General Hux turned to address him. 

“Supreme Leader, you're a bit earlier than usual.”

Ben didn't feel the need to respond. 

“You must be feeling guilty. Afraid you'll be caught in one of your lies.”

He almost Force-choked Hux out of habit. 

“You know, Snoke was right about you.” Hux was lazily pacing the oval bridge, gazing up into the balconies, performing for his hidden audience. “I didn't think he was. You? Weak? You're Kylo Ren, _The Jedi Killer,_ possibly a stronger force used than Darth Vader himself.” The general sat, lazily, in a chair. “And to think, you've given it all up, for a girl.”

He had never missed his mask more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you? Perhaps your head hit the ground a little too hard after you broke the lightsaber.” He punctuated the end of his sentence with venom and contempt.

 _Broke the lightsaber?_ Ben brushed the thought off quickly. He had to stay focused. 

Hux must have caught the look on his face “Oh, you weren’t aware? Well, here, let’s have a little history lesson. Unprecedented: the Supreme Leader is murdered in cold blood by his most trusted apprentice, _Ben Solo,_ who then attempts to woo the darling savior of the Resistance and fails. Miserably.”

Ben was struggling to hold himself together. He knew that if he were to lose his temper, Hux would have the upper hand. Hux was counting on it, he could see. His hand gripped his lightsaber so tightly that he was losing circulation to his fingertips, and he had to force himself to breathe in and out much more slowly than usual. _What the hell was happening here?_

Hux stared down Ben, murder in his eyes. “You seem to not be able to recall. Perhaps I’ll show you.” He pressed a button. In the center of the room, three familiar figures popped up as blazing blue holos. “Security footage”, Hux provided, as he leaned back in his chair as if watching an interesting show. 

_No, no, no, no._ Ben recognized the scene immediately. He was moments away from murdering Snoke. He looked up and glanced around the balcony. He couldn’t see the men hidden there, but he could feel them. There was absolutely _no way_ for him to stop this before… He didn’t necessarily care that anyone saw him murder Snoke, but he _did_ care that anyone saw the proposal to Rey that followed. 

Rey was screaming, being tortured by Snoke. It somehow hurt even worse hearing it the second time. 

His eyes traveled across the bridge, down the walkway to the hangar. The door looked unbarred. He knew better than to think there wouldn’t be troopers on the other side. He coached his breathing, reaching out into the Force. He could feel it in his veins, and swirling around him. 

The lightsaber ignited, and Rey dropped to the ground. 

Ben strode forward to the center of the walkway. He considered their position in the galaxy. Arkanis sector. They were very near Tattooine. That also put them less than a parsec away from Geonosis. He was sure that residents of either planet would not be sympathetic towards someone arriving in a TIE fighter but he didn’t have much of a choice. Perhaps he could convince them he was an escaped prisoner. _It’s almost the truth._ He focused, nearly meditating. Maybe the force would tell him something. _Tattooine._ Of course. 

“Ben!” Rey’s voice drew his attention. She threw her saber to him and he killed the last guard. 

He wasn’t ready for this. He would never be ready for this. Unfortunately, he had to be ready. He did his best to slip back into his near-meditative state, listening to the Force. The background noise from the security holo nearly faded out. 

Very lightly, he heard, “Ben, please don’t go this way.” His heart was breaking all over again. He wasn’t really able to tune it out enough. He could feel heat rising on the back of his neck. _Embarrassment._ That was the last thing he needed right now.  
Hux stood. That grabbed Ben’s attention. He tried to refocus himself, tried not to listen to the sound of Rey crying or look at his own face as tears fell. He dropped his leg back into a fighting stance and lifted his saber. He was ready. He looked into Hux’s eyes and saw a small glimmer of fear. That was all he needed. He ignited his saber.

In the holo, Rey’s saber was suspended in the air, suspended in their battle of wills. It exploded, _It exploded?_ and Hux’s hand hit a button, cutting off the holo. _Rey’s saber had exploded?_ Somewhere in the back of his mind he also realized the holo also contained footage of what happened while he was unconscious. There was no time to dwell on it. The Force surged around him, and he could feel hundreds of fingers tightening on triggers as Hux raised his hand into the air. 

“I believe it’s time you were relieved of your duty as Supreme Leader of the First Order.”

His hand fell, and time slowed. Ben was one with the Force, and he could feel everything. He held his hand out, and the blaster bolts slowed. The only thing he could hear was his heart beating, and his slow, controlled breathing. He could feel the Force whipping his hair and clothing like a violent wind. He clenched his fist, and the bolts turned and met in the air in the center of the room. The sound was deafening.

He sat up, his ears were ringing. The impact of the blast had thrown him onto the floor. Hux lay still on the floor near the holo pojector. Ben struggled to his feet and ran towards him. _He had to know what else happened._ There were troopers staggering to their feet all around the room. He reached the holo projector and pulled the piece of metal Hux had inserted out and slipped it into his pocket. Blaster shots fired. He fended them off with his saber. He tried reached back into the Force. _This way._ Saber flashing, his feet took him across the walkway to the hangar. He reached the door, and threw it open, prepared to find the worst on the other side. 

Ten troopers, knelt behind large blasters that looked like canons met his gaze. He reached into all of their minds at once, twisted his hand, and they fell to the ground asleep. Ben made one critical mistake - he forgot about the troopers on the bridge, and a shot found its target in the back of his rib cage. He fell to the ground, screaming, barely able to will the door shut behind him with the force. The small voice found him again, urgently pleading. _This way._ He painfully drug himself to his feet and moved as quickly as he could to the TIE fighter closest to him. He climbed in and prepped the flight sequence and lifted into the air. He didn’t have a co-pilot, he couldn’t operate the canons. An unprecedented option presented itself to his mind. He didn’t ask himself if it was possible, he just turned the TIE fighter to face the exit of the hangar and punched it into hyperdrive. 

In no time Ben was hovering above Tattooine. He had to hurry and ditch this ship before the First Order found it. He hurtled towards the surface, knowing that he was going to have to crash the TIE fighter and make the First Order believe he was dead. His hands gripped the controls, knuckles white. He pushed himself closer, closer, closer… then finally ejected at the last possible second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, friends (;


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is confronted with his past (in more ways than one!)
> 
> Our FAVORITE angry cinnamon roll makes an appearance (on a planet full of sand, no less!)
> 
> Short appearances made by Poe DAMN-ron and Our Lady Full of Grace, Mother Leia.

When Ben woke, it was dark. He could see only one of Tattooine’s three moons above him, telling him it was either barely nighttime or almost morning. His head was pounding, and his whole body felt sore. The blaster bolt in his back was nearly unbearable. He lifted himself up, and sat cross legged in the sand. The Force had brought him to Tattooine, and the significance was not lost on him. Anakin Skywalker had come from here. Obi-Wan Kenobi, his namesake, had brought Luke here to hide from Darth Vader. He tried to meditate, but instead felt what was now becoming a familiar pull from the Force. He stood and followed it. 

As the first of Tattooine’s suns began to rise, he saw a settlement in the distance. _Mos Espa,_ his brain provided, even though he had never been to Tattooine. Mos Espa? _Anakin._ If he’d had any doubts about the Force leading him before, they were all dispelled. The Force was leading him directly into his past. 

Something prickled in the air behind him, and he heard a voice behind him say, “Ben.”

He turned slowly, and met the eyes of a glowing blue figure. “Grandfather.”

“You have a long journey ahead of you.”

“Why have you never come to me before?”

Anakin wasn’t surprised. He was serene, almost. “Ben, I’ve never been able to until now. Your turmoil was too great.” He smiled.

Ben snarled, “What are you smiling at? This isn’t a fun game, I almost died today. I still may, if I can’t find a ship or at the very least some water.”

Anakin laughed. “Do you think the Force would bring you this far just to leave you to rot on Tattooine?”

Ben didn’t have an answer for that. 

“Your journey has been long and difficult. It isn’t over yet. I only hope that you can learn the lessons I learned earlier than I did. It was too late for me by the time I saw the error of my ways.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ben, I recognized my wrongdoings and sought forgiveness before my death. I returned to the light side, in the end.”

"No... that means..."

Ben’s head was reeling. His knees hit the ground, and his breaths came short and fast. “You mean..”

“Yes.”

“I was wrong? This whole time.”

Ben’s eyes met Anakin’s. There were unshed tears in his grandfather’s eyes. Ben was shaking, his eyes began to brim with tears. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben.”

“What do I do now?”

“You need to continue on with your plan.”

_My plan? Oh. Ooh._ He had forgotten… it had been so long since he laid in bed, unsleeping, deciding on his next steps.

“Ben, you have great wisdom within you, and you possess more control of the Force than any in our family ever has. But you aren’t alone.”

“Rey.”

“Yes, she -”

“She’ll have nothing to do with me. She believes I’m a monster.” _She’s right._

Anakin only smiled at him. It was starting to warm up quickly, and Ben was beginning to feel his need for water.

“Ben, it’s time for me to go. Listen to the Force. I have faith in you.” 

He was gone. Ben was alone. He rose to his feet and began his trek towards Mos Espa, not knowing what he was seeking. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn’t want to be seen - the First Order had most likely sent out information and had scouts out for his capture. He would also possibly be recognized as Ben Solo, First Order notwithstanding. His exit from the Jedi Order had been scandalous at the very least. Ben stayed in the shadows of the tents circling Mos Espa, watching the movements of the locals in and out of tents and ships. He couldn’t believe a time in his life had come where his hijacking and ship-stealing skills would come to use. 

He crept along the back side of a tent, nearing the east side of the settlement. There was a conversation happening inside in a language he didn’t understand. Unfortunately, he hadn’t picked up Han’s affinity for alien languages. The Force nudged him forward and he rounded a corner. 

_A ship._ The Force was practically holding a neon sign over it. It was an old A-Wing. _An A-Wing, really?_ Now he was arguing with the Force. He definitely needed some water. The alien voices in the tent increased in volume and aggression. His eyes scanned the ship, looking for any signs that it wasn’t operational. There weren’t any, so he chose to hope for the best. The alien argument next to him broke out into an brawl. _A distraction._ He ran for the ship, climbed in and prepped the flight sequence all while practically praying that this ship flew. It did, and in a few moments he was off, flying out into space. 

When he reached the outside of Tattooine’s atmosphere, he hovered the ship and allowed himself to breathe. He leaned back into the seat and closed his eyes. He felt like he was falling apart, emotionally and physically. The pain in his back caught his attention. It was almost worse than when he’d been shot with Chewy’s bowcaster. _How?_ He got up out of the seat, searching the inside of the A-Wing for some sort of medical supplies. Towards the back he found a small case, and inside there were bacta patches and swabs and wraps that could have been older than Ben was. The bacta wouldn’t be good anymore, but at the very least he could wrap the wound to try to fight off any foreign contaminants from causing an infection. He awkwardly wound the bandages around his whole midsection the best he could. Wound minimally treated, he went back to the cockpit to focus on the task ahead and take his next steps. 

He sat and stared at the comm button for a long, long time. Deciding what you needed to do while lying in your bed alone at night was much easier than actually doing it. He reached out into the Force, searching for Rey. She was there, as shut off and stubborn as ever. He began to have major doubts. _What if she’s told them all what happened, and what if they all hate me even more?_ He didn’t think she would have. But the truth was, he had no way of knowing. _You’re a monster, she won’t want to see you._ He had no choice. If he didn’t contact the Resistance, the First Order would undoubtedly hunt him down and kill him. _Rey is shutting you out because she hates you, and you deserve it._ But there was someone else in the galaxy who might be glad to see him. 

It was quite possible that he was leaving one death and walking straight into another. But for some odd reason, he trusted his mother. He lifted his hand towards the comm. He knew the old call numbers for the Millenium Falcon by heart. Would they have changed? He knew the ship had fallen out of Han’s possession for a long time, but he also knew that neither Han nor his mother would have changed the numbers out of a small hope that their son would someday return. He was definitely riding on that hope. 

He typed in the numbers and held his breath. 

It connected. He held down the microphone. “Ally requesting contact with the Resistance. Is this the Millenium Falcon?”

Poe Dameron, that damn pilot, answered, “Roger that, can I get a name?”

“I need to speak with General Organa.”

“I’m afraid I’ll _definitely_ need a name before I can ok that.”

He held his eyes shut tight, took a breath, and said something he hadn't said in many, many years. “This is Ben Solo.”

Ben could practically feel the scrambling happening on the Millenium Falcon at the moment. His stomach was tight, his heart was beating too quickly, he could barely breathe. _What if she denied him._ Tears welled up in his eyes. _She should deny him, he had murdered her husband._ The comm from the Falcon was silent. He began to panic. What if he was destined to die at the hands of the First Order after all? He couldn’t die. She had to know. Even if she wouldn’t share her location with him, he had to tell her - 

“This is General Organa. What kind of sick joke is this? When we get a hold on your location - “

“Mom.”

The air hung still for a long moment. He heard Leia’s voice distantly address whoever was near her. “Clear the cockpit. I need to be alone.” Poe argued, “General, with all due respe -” “Poe this is not a discussion. Leave.”

After a few moments, he heard her take a breath. “Where are you? This isn’t coming from a First Order ship, I can tell.”

“I’m on Tattooine.”

“Tattooine? What the hell are you doing on Tattooine?”

“It’s a long story. I’ve left the First Order. We were close to Tattooine, and - “

“And you needed a clean ship.”

“Yeah, I found an old A-Wing.” He took a big breath. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

He could tell she was crying when she replied. “Ben, I’m not sure what to say.”

Now he was crying, too. “That’s okay. I had to apologize. I needed you to know.”

“Thank you, Ben.”

“I want to come home.”

She didn’t reply. He hadn’t really expected her too.

“It’ll be a full surrender. I’ll hand over my lightsaber. I’ll give the Resistance anything and everything I can give them about the First Order.”

“How do I know this isn’t a trick?”

“Search your feelings, mother. This is the Force’s will. I know you can feel it.”

“You were never a great liar, anyways.” He almost smiled at that. 

“Can you send your location?”

“We’re out in hyperspace, a bit difficult to stage a meet-up at the moment. We’re en route to Corellia, meet us there?”

_Really, Corellia too?_ “I can do that. I’ll see you soon.” He ended the comm before he had a chance to cry to his mother any more. 

Ben was spent. Emotionally and physically. He hadn't slept in at least two day cycles. He punched the coordinates for Corellia in and went into hyperspace on autopilot. His eyes drifted shut, and he slipped into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward reunions and long meetings? You betcha!

Ben dreamed for the first time since he had killed Snoke. This was more of a nightmare, really. Gross variations on memories that were already terrible enough as it was. It started on Starkiller base. He stood across from Han Solo, pleading for his help. Han put his hand on Ben’s lightsaber, his thumb on the igniter. Ben was hopeful for a moment, until Han ignited the saber, running it through his chest. Ben fell off the walkway, dying. The dream changed in a flash, and he was battling Rey in the snow. She got the upper hand, as always, and instead of leaving a scar of his face the strike was fatal. Her eyes were black with hatred. She stalked over him, smiling, as he died. Another transition, and he was thrown from the snowy ground to the hard floor of Snokes throne room, writhing in pain, being punished for his failure to capture the girl. He felt his life slipping away from him as Snoke laughed in the background. In the throne room again, this time he knelt in front of Snoke as Rey used the Force to summon his saber to her. Snoke was pleased, he could feel it. He wanted to keep her, and he ordered her to dispose of Ben. She complied, happily striking him down for the second time in his dream. 

He woke up gasping. He was terrified. _He deserved every one of those deaths._ Every day since he had killed his father, he had wished he'd killed himself instead. He was afraid to face Rey. _Genuinely afraid of her._ He wanted so desperately to believe that she had cared about him, but he knew the truth. Snoke may not have created the Force bond like he claimed, but he had certainly manipulated it and caused Ben and Rey to feel things that weren't really there. He was sure that once she'd returned to the Resistance and cleared her head, she'd realized the truth. _He was a monster, and he didn't deserve her._ He made up his mind that he would leave her alone once he arrived. 

He got up and wandered around the small ship, checking to see what was in it. He found a bag with clothes in it. Old resistance fighter pilot. As much as he would've liked to change out of his blood stained and sand beaten tunic, he was sure that this was the last thing he wanted to be caught wearing when he arrived. He found rations. Protein bread packs, and water. _Water._ He drank two full canteens, then used the rest to make a loaf of the green bread. It was nasty, but he was hungry. Stomach full of protein and water, he took stock of his physical condition. It wasn't good. That blaster shot was probably more serious than he’d realized, and his whole body felt hot and feverish. _The floor is metal, maybe it's cold._ He leaned over, opened the front of his tunic and pressed his face and chest against the cold floor, and slipping into sleep again. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben didn't wake up for a whole week. When he did, he was in some sort of med bay, his mother at his side. _I must be dead._ He slowly blinked at her, his confusion written all over his face. He suddenly remembered everything. _Not dead._ His mother was holding his hand, looking out into the room. She hadn't noticed that he was awake. He took the opportunity to get his first good look at her in almost ten years. _She was even more beautiful than he remembered._ He squeezed her hand. 

“Ben? Ben!” She threw herself over him, wrapping him in a big hug. “I'm so glad you're awake. I thought I'd lost you.”

“You won't be rid of me any time soon if I can help it.”

She was crying. She sat back down beside him and held his hand again. “Ben, what happened? We had to send Poe out to do an emergency extraction once we realized you were unconscious in your ship. Tell me everything.” 

He did. He started a long time ago, further back than she had meant. But she had to know everything. He told her how he had never known a time in his life without Snoke in his mind. She wept when she heard of Luke’s lapse in judgement in the Jedi temple, and she hugged him again and pulled him close and almost never let go of him while he told her all of the brutalities of training under Snoke. He spoke of his inner conflict between the dark and light, and how he believed the Force intended for there to be true balance. He told her how Snoke had exploited this conflict, driving him to believe that ridding himself of his past was the only way to end it. He was crying so hard that he almost couldn't tell her how the murder of his father had ripped him further in two. He made it all the way to the first time he had connected with Rey through their bond in the Force, and stopped. 

“Rey's told me all of this. I'm interested to hear it from your perspective.”

“I would rather not talk about Rey.”

“That's okay son.” His mother, all-understanding and all-knowing, smiled at him. 

He skipped forward and told the story of the coup, starting with the premonitions he received from the Force. 

“Have you ever experienced anything like that?”

“That's the only way I've ever experienced the Force, Ben. Just a prickling premonition, a direction I should go in. Words without a voice.” 

“That's what this was. It guided every step. From my room, to the bridge, to Tatooine, to here.” 

They sat for a long time, just holding each other's hands. 

“I didn't kill anyone.”

“What?”

“When they attacked me. I think some people died when the blaster bolts exploded, but I didn't kill anyone. I put them into a Force sleep at every opportunity I got.”

“That's good, Ben, I'm proud of you.”

_She's proud of me?_

He didn't get to ask, and she didn't get to elaborate, because they were interrupted by a giant fuzzy carpet roaring his way into the room. 

“Chewy calm down he hasn't been awake that long!”

More roaring. 

“Now I know I promised you but we were having a very important conversation!” Her hands were on her hips. 

Chewy replied with an equal level of sass. 

“Alright, well here he is. I'm going, quit yelling at me!” She turned to Ben on her way out, “See you later?” He nodded at her. 

Chewy and Ben were alone. Ben couldn't look at him, it reminded him too much of his father. His eyes were full of tears. He was so ashamed of himself. How could Chewy ever forgive him? 

Chewbacca knelt beside his bed, and their heads were level. He ruffled his hand through Ben’s hair, and Ben started sobbing. Chewy was startled at first, then he leaned forward and wrapped Ben up in a hug. They stayed there for a long time, Ben wasn't sure how long. Uncle Chewy. He hadn't called him that in at least 15 years, maybe more. 

Finally, Ben had spent all of his tears and Chewbacca had let him go. 

“I’m sorry, Uncle Chewy. I'm so sorry.”

Chewbacca roared an apology. Ben recognized his old nickname, Little Ben. 

“I'm not so little anymore, am I?”

Chewy agreed. 

Ben wasn't sure what else he could say. He was so overwhelmed. 

He didn't have to, because they were interrupted by Poe Dameron. 

“Chewy I gotta have a moment with, um… him.”

Chewbacca roared. 

Poe didn't understand him. Almost not addressing Ben, he asked “What did he say?”

“He said you can call me Ben.” 

Chewbacca got up, patted Ben on the head, and left.

Poe cleared his throat. “Well, okay, Ben. We need you in the conference room down the hall. Think you can walk?”

It was painful, but he made it down the hallway following Poe. Poe didn't offer help, and Ben didn't ask. 

“It's been over a week since you left the First Order. They're still in disarray, but the longer we wait, the stronger they'll get. Snoke and Hux are dead. You're gone. There's a massive power vacuum right now. We have to know everything you know, _today._ ”

They made it to the room and Poe opened the door. The walk down the hallway was hard. _How was he in such bad shape?_ He leaned against the frame of the door to catch his breath, head down. When he finally looked up into the room, the first thing he saw was Rey. She took his breath away. He never thought he would be thankful to be an already out of breath invalid, yet here he was. 

He moved forward and took the seat closest to the door, his eyes never leaving Rey’s. He couldn't discern the look on her face. She looked sad.. but also a little hopeful, maybe even happy. There was more but he just couldn't place it. Poe cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the room. 

“General Organa?”

Leia stood. “Alright everyone now that Ben’s here, let's begin. As some of you know, Finn and Poe were able to go on a recon mission to the First Order and obtain security footage of the coup. Now, I believe -”

Leia’s voice trailed off in Ben's mind. They had footage of the coup? That meant they also had footage of the throne room, which meant they would all see - _No._

He started listening to Leia again “... okay so at the beginning there's a lot of useless monologuing from Hux so we’ll skip to when he gives the order to fire on Ben.” 

_Thank the Force._ He looked up at Leia, and could swear she had just winked at him. 

He barely focused through the hologram. He already knew what happened and his head was pounding. In fact, he barely focused for the whole meeting. He gave every piece of information as willingly and accurately as he could, but he was slumped in his chair with his head in his hands and his eyes focused on the table top in front of him. He just didn't have the will of energy for anything else. 

He must have zoned out, because he was suddenly jolted back into reality by the sounds of an argument - particularly Rey yelling at Poe. 

“Just look at him! He's been asleep through us arguing for almost five minutes now! Do you honestly think anything he could say for the rest of the night will do us any more good than it would tomorrow? Just let him go rest!”

“We need _everything_ he can give us _right now_ or we risk running out of time -”

“I'm fine,” Ben interrupted them, “let's keep going.” 

Everyone looked a little perplexed, but no one argued with him. 

Finally, after another two hours, the meeting was over. Ben was the first to leave, slowly making his way back down the hallway to his bed in the med bay. He was so tired that he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to post 4 and it was SO SHORT! So this is 4 and 5 combined.. technically.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darth Darcy gets adjusted to life on the base, and makes a new potential friend!

The next morning, Rey came to visit him. She was sitting, curled up in the chair next to his bed, when he woke up. She looked like she may have possibly spent the night there. He didn't know what to think of that. He was barely awake enough to think at all, so he just looked at her. Her hair was longer, and down. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent. Even so, she was beautiful. _She was beautiful, and he was a monster._ She looked up at him. 

“Ben?” His heart fluttered. He could feel himself shaking. He didn't reply. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Bad.” 

“I'm sure. We all saw what happened. You took five blaster bolts to the back, that would have killed anyone else.”

_Five?_ He just nodded. 

“I have your lightsaber, and Leia found some clothes for you. I can leave them here for you or I can put it all in your room.”

“Keep the saber. I don't want it.”

“You don't… want your lightsaber?”

He sighed and closed his eyes. He had been awake for two minutes and he was already exhausted. “I didn't realize yours was broken. Take mine, I don't need it anymore.”

“And I do?”

He met her eyes. “You might.” 

She held his gaze for a long, uncomfortable moment. He couldn't read her expression, and he was afraid she could read his.

Rey finally broke, glancing at the clock. “I have to go.” 

“Okay.”

“I'm glad you're alive, Ben.” She looked like she had more to say as she stood up. He didn't interrupt her. “When you get better, and you're not having to eat all of your meals in here…” she wasn't making eye contact with him now. _She seems nervous?_ “... you should come find me and sit with me. In the mess.”

“I'll think about it.” 

Then she was gone. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a few more days before he was released, and then shown to his room by a very uncomfortable Finn. Ben wondered how the former storm trooper had managed to draw the short straw, having to escort Kylo Ren to his room on the resistance base. Not too long after they left the med bay, they encountered a girl Ben had never seen before. 

“Finn!” She rushed forward and hugged him. “Where are you guys going?” She stood beside Finn and grabbed his hand. 

Finn blushed, “Well, uh, I had to - um, escort? Ben to his room.” 

“Okay well I'll come with you guys!” She was smiling, she even smiled at Ben. This was, by far, the weirdest thing Ben had ever encountered. Did she know who he was? Why wasn't she disgusted? Or afraid? Finn was so uncomfortable that it was palpable. Ben decided it might be fun to mess with him. 

Leaning around Finn, he asked, “What's your name?”

Finn was panicking. This _was_ fun. 

“I'm Rose!” She stuck her hand out. Ben almost didn't recognize the gesture. “Well are you gonna shake my hand, or..?” 

“Oh. Sorry.” He stuck his hand out. Her grip was firm. She meant business. But her eyes were kind. He got the sense that there wasn't an ounce of fear anywhere in her body, and he found himself wishing he could be the same. 

Finn interrupted. “We should get going.” 

The three of them walked silently the rest of the way. When they reached the room, Finn pushed the door open. “Here you are. You've got a fresher and a bed and some clothes in there. Doors here don't lock, we don't have anything to hide from one another.” Finns eyes were hard. “Any questions?”

“No.”

“Good. Come on, Rose, let's go.” Finn grabbed her hand. 

As they turned to go, she offered a wave and a smile in Ben's direction. “Bye, Ben, it was nice to meet you!” 

He didn't reply, turning to walk into his room and close the door behind him. 

The room was fairly empty. There were clothes folded on the bed. Next to that, a small holo projector, and the small device containing the security footage from Snokes throne room. Bless his mother. It must have been in the pocket of his tunic when they rescued him. He wondered if she had watched it. He knew he needed to watch it, but he was afraid.

He slowly got on his knees next to the bed, inserted the device and flipped the holo on. He forced himself to watch every second from when he entered the throne room with Rey. He couldn't ever let himself forget the only good decision he had ever made, and the only time he had felt whole in his entire life. He reached the end, when they were struggling over the saber, and paused it. Could he bring himself to watch what happened next? He had to. He needed to know what had taken place while he was unconscious. It would answer so many questions. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his hands from shaking. _He had to know what happened._

A tear slipped down his cheek. His hands were shaking. He hit play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Cliffhanger, batman! 
> 
> What do you think Ben's going to see in the next part of this holo??


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An answer to our most pesky question: What HAPPENED WHEN REY LEFT THE SUPREMACY?

The lightsaber exploded, and Ben heard his head hit the ground with a sickening crack. Rey was only out for a couple of seconds at the most. She sat up slowly and stiffly, obviously in pain. Then she saw his body lying on the ground. “Ben?” She was frantic, scrambling to her feet. “BEN!” She ran over to him, dropping to her knees. She hesitated for a moment, then grabbed his shoulder and turned him onto his back. “No, no, no, no, Ben, please don't leave me.” She was sobbing. She tried to hold her breath and leaned forward, pressing her ear against his chest, listening. His chest rose and fell with his breathing. Her relief was visible through her change in posture as she sat up, wiping her face and trying to stop crying. She tentatively reached out and touched his cheek, then moved her hand to wipe his hair off of his forehead. She brushed her hands through his hair for a few seconds. “Ben, I'm so sorry.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Then she stood up to leave. The holo cut off. 

Ben felt numb. She had made sure she was alive. She had kissed him. He felt something blooming in his chest. _Hope?_ Just a little bit. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was so afraid. But Rey had come to him in the med bay, invited him to come eat with her. Ben had never intended to take her up on that offer, but he thought maybe now he would have the strength to at least try. He rewound the holo to when the lightsaber exploded and hit play again.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was almost time for dinner. He’d watched the holo too many times to count. He got up and took a shower, put on the clothes his mother had left for him. _He looked like Han._ It hurt. He’d left his room and walked around the base, learning where everything important was located. He avoided the hangar. He knew she would be in there, repairing ships. He had gone to see his mother, to give her a hug. He told her about Rey’s offer and she agreed that he should at least try. 

Finally, he had wandered around the base enough. The mess was open, he couldn’t avoid it any longer. When he found himself outside the door, it took every bit of self control he had ever had to place his hand on the door and open it, instead of leaving. The first thing he saw was Rey, far away on the other side of the room. She was standing between Finn and Poe, laughing about something. A girl he didn’t recognize came up and put her hand on Rey’s shoulder, smiling at her. Everyone around her was looking at her with love, adoration, devotion. His stomach flipped. She wasn’t lonely anymore. She didn’t need him. The people close to where he stood in the doorway began to notice him. One at a time, faces turned towards him. They all had the same look of disgust. _What is he doing here?_ They seemed to ask. _He’s a monster._ His breath was coming quickly. _He deserves to die, not to sit and eat with us._ He panicked, and turned to leave. 

In the hallway, walking quickly and consumed in his shame and embarrassment, he walked straight into Rose. He mumbled an apology and tried to step around her.

“Ben? You ok?” He accidentally made eye contact with her. She answered her own question. “No, you’re not. Did something happen?”

He shook his head, eyes focused on Rose's feet.

“You just came from the mess… were you in there eating?”

“No.”

“So you just went in there… and then turned around and left?”

He nodded. He focused on her brown boots.

She smiled at him sympathetically, and put her hand on his arm. “Rey will be really upset, you know.”

He couldn't allow himself to believe that. “Please don’t tell her I was here.”

“If that’s really what you want.”

“It is. If anyone on this base ever looks at her the way they look at me, I’ll never forgive myself. For her sake, I have to stay away.” He left without giving Rose another glance, or the chance to respond.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Ben reached out into the Force and closed his side of the bond for the first time. He curled up on his side in bed and wept, hoping that sleep would come soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for that ending, y'all... It's ok, I'm crying too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present! 
> 
> More adorableness from our Galactic Treasure, Rose, and her wonderful Finn.
> 
> Poe _attempts_ to be the real MVP. Almost succeeds.
> 
> Rey is sad & lonely. 
> 
> Where is Ben??

_The Present_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The whole mess hall was buzzing with excitement about the party. As Rey grabbed her tray of food for lunch and made her way to where Finn and Rose sat, she caught pieces of discussions - what people planned to wear, how much alcohol would be there, who they wanted to dance with, when they thought the party would end. It was an excitement she had never experienced, and she loved it. 

She set her tray down and sat. “Hey guys.” She smiled at them, still feeling happy from her conversation with Ben that morning. 

Not one for preamble, Rose put her hands on the table and leaned forward. “So, did you ask him?”

Rey almost laughed. She adored Rose and was so grateful for her friendship. After learning about Rey’s hidden feelings for Ben, Rose had been ecstatic. Finn, not so much. But Rose had seen to it that Finn thought long and hard about it, and was at the very least supportive. Rose had also made it her personal mission to get Ben Solo to warm up to her, and she had somehow succeeded over the last few months. Rey knew that Rose’s friendship was just as important to Ben as it was to her, although she had never been able to get him to admit it. Somehow, Rose had become the second friend ever to each of the three of these lonely people whose lives had been inexplicably woven together by Finn’s defection from the First Order. Rey could never thank her enough. 

“Well, sort of.”

“I take it he said no,” Finn supplied.

“Yeah, but -”

“What else did he say!” Rose was grinning. Rey and Ben were her favorite soap opera, she always said. 

“Well, I asked him to... _stay_ this morning.”

“Risky business.” Finn felt the same way Ben did. He feared what the response would be if people knew, and he was fiercely protective of Rey. 

“Well, he didn’t stay. But he did say he would. Tomorrow.”

“TOMORROW!” Rose shrieked.

Finn leaned across the table and took Rey’s hand in one of his. “Rey, are you sure you’re ready for what that means?”

“Yes, I really am.”

Rose beamed and took her other hand. “It’s gonna be fine. Plus, you’ll always have Finn and me.”

Before Rey could reply, Poe came and plopped down next to her. "You guys excited for tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna teach Finn how to dance!" Rose threaded her arm through Finn's and smiled at Poe.

Finn squinted at Poe, asking "So, do you already know how to dance?"

"Of course I do!" Poe laughed, "Just hasn't been much time for dancing up until now, has there?"

They all silently agreed. 

Rey was just about to stand up to leave when Poe turned to her. "No dancing out on Jakku, huh?"

"No, no dancing. Not much of anything, really."

Poe gave her a smile, and a hand on her shoulder. She sometimes wondered how he had remained so warm and friendly after so many years of war. He reminded her of Leia, a bit, which she supposed was his goal. "Don't worry, Rey, we'll make sure you have a good time tonight."

She smiled back, grateful for her friends. "Thanks."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The party was loud. Rey had never been to a party before, and while she assumed all parties were loud, she knew this one was different. There were loads of important people here. Dignitaries and senators and the like from all over the galaxy. They were all dressed in fine clothing made of materials Rey didn’t even recognize. She felt a little silly, standing there alone in the same robes she wore every day.

In fact, she felt a bit like she was drowning in awkwardness. She stood very close to a wall on the side of the room, arms crossed, watching everything happen. Although Rey was much more social now than she had ever been, she still felt like an outsider in large crowds. The Jedi. People all seemed to expect something from her, and she wasn't sure she liked it. The main thing that kept her playing along with expectations was her memories of the stories she heard about Luke Skywalker when she was growing up. Still, she felt lonely in situations like this one. Her loneliness was just exacerbated by the fact that Ben wasn't here as well. She spotted Finn, Poe, and Rose, pulled herself out of her thoughts, and hurried over to them. 

Finn and Rose were talking about dancing, waiting until something a little slower came on so Rose could teach Finn. Rey thought about how the only person she would possibly want to dance with was hiding away in her room, patiently waiting for her to return to him. She also thought about how she didn’t even know how to dance, considering this was the first time she’d ever found herself in a position to need to know how. 

“Guys… I think I might go back to my room. There are a lot of people here, and -”

“What? No,” Poe interrupted, “you think the last Jedi can just waltz out of our victory party early? C’mon you just need a little liquid courage and we’ll find you a nice guy to dance with.” he said as he grabbed her elbow and drug her towards the bar. Her anxiety spiked.

“Oh, please, no, really - I definitely _do not_ want to dance.” She could hear Finn and Rose giggling at her predicament and she thought to herself that she would have to get back at them later. 

Poe shoved a drink in her hand. “Look, Rey, I didn’t say you had to marry someone. Just a dance. Loosen up a bit.”

She took a large gulp of the drink. “Okay to the loosening up, with a solid maybe to the dancing.”

Poe laughed and clapped her on the shoulder, “Atta girl.”

They stood next to the bar, watching as the music changed to something slower and the crowd morphed into couples dancing. She noticed everyone seemed to know this dance except Finn, who was quickly learning from Rose. She finished the rest of her drink in a second gulp. _Just stay for a couple more songs, go talk to Leia for a bit... Then you can leave. No big deal._ Her thoughts returned to Ben. _Focus on tomorrow,_ she thought. _Tomorrow, everyone will be able to know and you’ll have nothing to hide anymore._ She was too busy nervously turning the glass over in her hands, silently praying that Poe did not find someone to pair her off with, to notice the shift in the room around her. Hushed whispers and heads turning towards the entrance that was behind her. 

Her attention was finally caught by Poe looking over her shoulder, then saying “What the -”

Rey spun around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do y'all think??


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's here? Let's see!

_Ben._

Ben was here. At the party. Standing in the doorway, still holding the door open. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him. He hadn’t spotted her yet, and he looked like he was very much regretting his decision. Just as a look of panic started to creep into his features, his eyes met Rey’s and he smiled a little. She felt herself finally able to breathe again. 

Poe interrupted, with his always-perfect timing, “What the hell is he smiling at?”

Rey faltered, looking at Poe. He looked offended. He would definitely be angry. She found that she didn’t really care. Shoving her empty glass into his hands, she met his eyes and answered him. “Me. He’s smiling at me.”

She turned and walked straight to Ben. The time it took her to cross the room to him felt like an eternity, even with him walking towards her to help close the distance. 

“You came.”

“You were freaking out.”

It took her tipsy brain a little bit longer to realize what he meant than she would’ve liked. 

“Oh… Sorry.” She felt herself blushing. They had figured out long ago that Rey was bad about very loudly projecting her thoughts across the bond at him when she had been drinking.

“No need to apologize.” He put his hands on his hips, and eyed her mockingly. “So, I guess this blows our cover?”

She teased him back. “Couldn’t wait until tomorrow, could you?”

 

“You gave such a compelling argument this morning,” he winked. _He winked!_

She laughed, and wondered if he knew how much like Han he was sometimes. She grabbed his hands, and though neither of them noticed, the crowd around them was stunned into silence. 

“Would you like to dance with me?”, Ben asked.

Her heart soared, then immediately fell as she remembered, “I don’t know how.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he said, and through the bond he shared an old memory of Leia teaching a little Ben this same dance. She beamed, and he kissed her. 

“It’s about damn time!” Leia hollered across the room at them. Finn whooped and Rose giggled and clapped her hands excitedly. The crowd took that as their cue to go back to talking and pretending like they hadn’t just witnessed _Kylo Ren, the Jedi killer, kissing the last Jedi._

Ben walked backwards, pulling her a little bit closer to the center of the room. His face was a bit more reserved now. A small smile, a sparkle in his eye that made him look more like his father than he’d probably ever know. But there was something… different. A feeling she had never sensed from him before was rolling off of him, flowing in waves through the force that connected them. _Pride?_

“You’re proud of something? What?”

He stopped walking, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, ready to dance. “Tonight, I have the pleasure of dancing with the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, a hero whose story will be told for generations, who could have absolutely any man she could possibly want - in front of a room full of people who think I shouldn’t even be free to walk among them. This is, without question, my proudest moment.”

She blushed, not knowing how to reply, and then they started dancing. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It felt like they had been dancing forever. Song after song had passed, and although Ben had allowed her to know the first dance through his memories, he’d chosen to teach her some of the other ones himself. Occasionally they stopped - to hug Leia, talk to Chewy, get a drink. Rey had never seen him so social, so _himself,_ in public. Of course, she was sure he’d definitely loosened up partially due to the shots he took from Poe. 

Poe had approached them about an hour into the night, two shots in his hands, with Finn and Rose following close behind him. He’d awkwardly offered a shot to Ben, mumbling something about how this didn’t make them friends now, or anything. Shots were drank, and Finn gave Rey a big smile and a thumbs up. She’d have to thank him later for putting Poe up to that. 

At some point in the night, Rey and Rose had even traded off partners - leaving Rey and Finn to awkwardly try to look like they could dance without their better-dancing other halves. She couldn’t help but laugh as she watched Rose, the girl who could apparently break through anyone’s shell, bounce around the room with Ben. 

Rey found herself alone with her best friend for the first time in a very long time. He was distant, which was weird. Tonight had been a great night for everyone, she thought. 

“Finn? Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just thinking about the future.”

_The future._ She hadn’t considered the future in so long. Rey hadn’t allowed herself many thoughts in that direction, not while the war was going on. When Ben had let himself back into her life, small, undefined hopes for the future had crept their way into her mind, but nothing she indulged herself in. She had never spoken of the future with Ben. She had no idea what would happen now that the war was over, and suddenly she was a little scared. Finn interrupted her thoughts, almost as if he could hear them.

“I never imagined I would have a future that I would have control over. Not as a stormtrooper. Even after, stuck in the middle of a war… it’s hard to dream of a better day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

He was looking at Rose, his expression a mixture of longing, hope, but also a little pain. Rey thought she knew the direction his thoughts were going.

“Rey, I don’t even have a last name.”

“I don’t think she’ll mind.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

“Finn, I think she would marry you right now in the middle of this party, if given the opportunity.”

He laughed, and their conversation was finally free of the heavy tension that had been keeping them both so serious. “Well, you’re about to get your dance partner back - I think I have a conversation I need to have with mine.”

She hugged him, “I’m so happy for you, Finn.”

He pulled away and smiled at her, “As much as it still surprises me, I’m happy for you too. He’s nice… which is weird. But I think I like him.” With that, he was gone. Off to fetch Rose from Ben. 

It was less than a minute, but it felt like an eternity before Ben was at her side again, she was so lost in her thoughts. 

“Finn have too much to drink? He looks like he’s about to puke.” He was laughing, and appeared to be coming off of a joke at Finn’s expense just moments before.

She laughed with him, “No, he’s just a bit nervous I think?”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah, I think he may be about to ask Rose to marry him.”

Whatever was funny before suddenly wasn’t funny now. “Oh. Right.”

He seemed to have suddenly lost all of his drunken bravado, a bit of anxiety creeping into his features as he glanced around as if remembering he was in a room full of people who hated him. 

“Ben, I’m tired, let’s go.” She grabbed his hand, leading him to the door. He didn’t even protest, even though less than five minutes ago he would have argued with her and insisted that they stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, wonder why Ben's suddenly so serious?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty angsty, but I think you'll forgive me at the end.
> 
> AKA, Ben shows Rey his vision that he had on Ach-Two.

He sat on the edge of her bed, the air around him serious. She reached out into the force, trying to gather a feeling from him, and found the bond closed off to her. It had been weeks, possibly months since either of them had shut the bond off.

“Ben?”

“Yes?” He was trying so hard to act normal. She could feel it. 

“What are you thinking about?”

He took a long time to reply. That was alright. She sat down next to him, trying to find a silent way to let him know that he didn’t have to answer her any time soon. When he finally spoke, his voice was a quiet, shaky whisper.

“I’m thinking about the future.”

She smiled. This was a conversation she knew she could have, now. “I’ve just begun to allow myself to do the same.”

He looked at her. His eyes were sad, and his face was solemn.

“Ben? What's wrong?”

“What do you think you’ll do… now that this is over?”

Her heart sank. That wasn’t exactly the question she was hoping for. “Well, what are you going to do?”

“I asked first.” He wasn’t making eye contact with her. _Why did he have to be so difficult?_

There were tears in her eyes when she replied, “I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for a long time. Ben finally spoke, “You should travel. You’ve seen so little of the galaxy, and what you have seen has mostly been in battle.”

That set her off. She jumped up from the bed and stood in front of him. “And what, I’m supposed to just hop in an X-Wing and flit around the galaxy all by myself? Or perhaps Chewy will take pity on me and escort me around in the Falcon?”

Ben dropped his head into his hands, “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“And you? What will you do?” She spat at him angrily.

“I haven’t thought about it.” His hands were still covering his face.

She turned her back to him, trying not to cry. This wasn’t at all how she had expected this conversation to go. _What had she expected?_ She wasn’t entirely sure. She had assumed, somewhere in her subconscious, that Ben would always be around. 

“Well you’ve made it clear that you want to be alone”, she snapped.

“I’ve never said that.”

“Then tell me what’s going on.” She turned to face him. He’d stood up while her back was turned. “Ben, why are you trying to separate my future from yours?”

Ben grabbed her shoulders and pressed his forehead to hers meeting her eyes with his. 

He looked into her eyes for a long time. He slowly took down his mental defenses and she could feel a million emotions coming through the bond from him, too many for her to try to decipher. She tried her best to push one feeling, one thought, back at him. _You said I wasn’t alone._

“Rey…” His voice cracked, and tears welled up in his eyes. “You deserve better.” He shut his eyes, causing the tears to fall. 

She suddenly realized what was happening. He wasn’t letting himself dream of a future that involved her. She knew what must have triggered this. After his proposal in Snoke’s throne room, he had never again mentioned any kind of future to her. It was the one thing they had never discussed, and they had discussed much about his past as Kylo Ren; how they met, why the force had brought them together. But never his rejected proposal. She turned this thought over in her mind, considering it, trying to determine the best way to respond. 

Reaching up to wipe the tears off of his face, she softly said, “Tell me what you think about when you think of the future.”

“I don't.”

She softly reminded him, “Ben Solo, you're a bad liar.”

That almost pulled a smile out of him. He took a deep breath, then let out a shuddering sigh. He pulled away from her, sat down on the bed, and focused his eyes onto his hands. “Now I do feel like I’m going to puke.” 

“When you think about the future, what do you see?”

Still looking at his hands, he shook his head. “I don’t dare to let myself hope so much.”

“Ben.”

He finally made eye contact with her. “I still hold on to the vision I saw. When we touched hands on Ach-Two.” 

“Will you show it to me?” Rey got down on her knees in front of him and held her hand out to him. 

He swallowed hard, nodded, and took her hand. 

The vision felt lazy and warm. She was lying on her back in the grass somewhere, a sun warming her face. She felt Ben next to her. _She felt Ben next to her?_ In all of their time sharing memories through the force, she had never experienced something from him in any perspective but his own. She opened her eyes and sat up. Wherever they were, it was beautiful and green. Tall skinny blades of grass bent in the soft wind, making the hills around them look like a green ocean. She wondered, briefly, if this was a place Ben had visited before or if it was unknown to him as well. The vision was beautiful and warm - happy, even - but there was anxiety tinting it. She could tell that the anxiety was coming from real-life Ben, sitting on her bed holding her hand, not dream-vision Ben. Dream Ben sat up next to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her forehead. The anxiety spiked, and real-life Rey gripped real-life Ben’s hand harder, compelling him not to hide the next part of the vision from her. He didn’t. Dream Ben turned and met her eyes. She had never seen him look so peaceful and whole, even when sleeping. He placed his hand on her stomach, kissed her sweetly, and asked “What are we going to name her?”

She was ripped out of the vision so quickly that it made her head spin. Ben was still in front of her. He had pulled his hand away from hers, and his elbows were on his knees and his hands on his face. She felt something she hadn’t felt from him in a long time. _Fear, and shame._

“Ben?”

“Don’t.”

She was smiling, but he couldn’t see it. “Ben, I just have one question.”

No response. 

“But you have to look at me.”

By the time he looked, she was crying. They were good tears. She took his face in her hands and pressed her forehead against his.

“Well, what are we going to name her?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends! Thank you for reading all the way to the end!
> 
> This is all I have written, but is there more you'd like to see? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> xoxo


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